Rapour is important in any interaction because otherwise your odds of seeing that person again are pretty low. People are always looking to assert their reality. Meaning that they want to surround themselves with people who view the world in a similar way. If other people view the world the same as me then this means that my beliefs are correct. This person really understands me.
During rapour you are looking to establish commonalities between the two of you. To build rapour with a women she must be attracted to you in someway or at least respect you. If you look to build commonalities too early then she usually wont answer. If this is the case then go back to the attraction stage and then try for comfort later. Remember women are like a volume knob so a lot of this comes down to giving something a try and if it’s too early try again later. There is no rejection, only feedback that she is not ready yet.
So she is showing signs of attraction and you are now looking to build comfort. The main ways that you can do this are:-
Take an interest in her life (job, friends, hobbies, family)
Find Commonalities (shared interests and experiences)
Share Vulnerabilities ( show her that you are a real person )
Win peer Approval ( her friends / family like you )
Experience Activities Together ( you start to create a story together )
Lead her through a range of emotions ( shows that you understand her )
Do what you say you will ( this builds trust that you don’t lie )
Remove her from uncomfortable situations ( shows you understand her )
Some of the items on the list might seem obvious. I stress that comfort should only be build once attraction is in place. If you try to build rapour before the girl is showing signs of attraction you demonstrate low value, the nice guy. A high value guy with many options wouldn’t be interested in building bonds with a girl he doesn’t know anything about. So you will want to get the girl attracted and then qualify the girl before this comfort stage.
On the flipside if you are at a social circle party then you will probably want to start at comfort. Knowing things like this only really come with social intuition and getting rejected many times before. Never worry about rejection as this will consciously and subconsciously improve your social calibration for the next time. Doing nothing really is the worst possible outcome that you can have.
Even in the comfort stage you should maintain that attractive vibe you had previously. This should be done by continuing to demonstrate alpha male qualities, confidence, humour, dominance. Also touching should be present and long periods of time without this could land you in the “Lets just be friends zone”.
Comfort usually happens in isolation when the two of you are away from the rest of the social group. Usually in a group situation the vibe has a lot more social banter which is not suitable for having a deep conversation. Use your own intuition to judge if you want to isolate or wait for a later point to build comfort with the girl.
When you find a strong commonality it can often take a boring interaction and ignite it into glory. Once I approached an attractive brunette girl during the day and we were having a nice chat. There was a bit of teasing and she was laughing but it had no real spark. The conversation was nice but the energy was low between us. I then asked her what she liked to do for fun, she said she liked reading a lot at the moment. This personally didn’t make me feel wow but then she mentioned that she was currently reading a famous self help book. Instinctively I was, oh my god I love that book, how did you get into that stuff? We then started finding commonalities about the book and related topics. My passion for talking about self help was contagious and we had an amazing conversation. Got the digits and we both left feeling we had found someone that really understood the other. A simple text message starting with “Hey crazy tony robbins girl :-p” and fade to black, times of passion.
Peace n Love,