PUA Blog
PUA Belief System and Removing Approach Anxiety (AA) - p2
Date: 30th March 2009
Author: Kingy
Hey :-)
I hope you successfully completed last weeks mission of writing down a list of achievable goals and doing one good thing for some body else. It is so important that both growth and giving are part of who you are, people will comment on how happy you seem and you will be beaming out this positive giving energy. This is the stuff pua dreams are made of, want to become an ego-less natural and still be a nice guy, this is it right here!
This week I shall be continuing on from Part One and looking at what is driving you as a person.
Getting good at game requires the same mindset that you will need to get good at anything. It requires slow steady progress of you continuing to go out regularly, looking at your sticking points and trying new things. A bootcamp can push you through a platue and stimulate a massive growth spurt but it is also down to you after the training to continue this on, cementing this new you as a permanent change.
Have you ever achieved something in your life? If not then what leads you to believe you are going to get this down.....
Everything little thing that you achieve for yourself increases your self-esteem. For me I think the first big achievement I had was losing 2 stone through running around my local park pretty much everyday for half a year when I was 16 years old.
Up until that point I had never really taken any pride in what I did or had any motivation because as a child a lot of stuff was done for me. I was never allowed to cook in the kitchen, do my own washing, build a go kart because it would make a mess and someone would have to clean it up. Despite re-assurances that this wouldn’t be the case it was made very difficult for me to be able to do anything other than sit in my room or goto the park.
Running gave me substantially more confidence:-
A. I was looking better and thinner
B. I felt better and healthier
C. I had achieved something difficult
Every little success I have gives me more self-belief that the next challenge I set for myself will be a successful one too.
That’s all well and good but how do I get the motivation to keep something like that up? Running everyday for 20 minutes for several months sounds like a lot of work.......
Change can happen in an instant.
Right now you can say I'm not going to do this again or I am going to achieve this and immediately you are set on your new path to success.
In most cases though you will need leverage / a reason to change and this comes from having associated pain to the thing you are doing / not doing. You can force this change yourself and this is called Neuro-Associative Conditioning or NAC for short. NAC is a step by step process that can condition your nervous system to associate pleasure to the things you want to move towards and pain to those things you need to avoid, without the need for constant effort or willpower.
The first belief you need to have is that you are responsible for making this change and you alone. If you want to get that sick game that allows you to date models, strippers have threesomes and live a full-filled and happy life then you are solely responsible for making this happen.
We can analyze our problems for years but nothing changes until we change the feelings we associate to these things in our nervous system. Our brain is wired so that each time we receive some pleasure or pain we will more towards or away from that thing / activity that triggered it in the future. “This thing causes me pain, I’m not going to do that again” - this thinking although quite linear keeps us alive :-)
Now things get a little bit tricky when you consider that possibly the thing you want to achieve or give up, you actually have mixed associations linked to, we call these limiting beliefs.
For instance if you want to get good at game your belief system might look a bit like this:-
Pain
This girl could reject me
I could get beaten up
She might make fun of me
If I change as a person my friends might not accept me
Its going to take too much time
Pleasure
I could sleep with a hot girl tonight
I’m going to feel happier being out of the house
Its going to give me more confidence in every part of my life
I want a threesome
Sex with girls is fun
Having lots of new cool friends in my life will be great
It would be awesome to get a girlfriend I really like
There are many more but as you can see its quite a neuro path way mix up, your brain will not know what decision to make. If it recognises that this could cause you pain then it will prefer to take the safer route of being against the idea of talking to women, this will make sure you stay safe. When you give your brain mixed messages you will get mixed results.
This is the REAL way to remove AA and also get yourself doing things that will benefit you without continual effort. On bootcamps I always ask the student on a scale of 1-10 how would you feel about approaching that women. Usually it’s a 5 or 6, although sometimes it can be low as a 1 or 2. By the middle of bootcamp I ask the same question and its never less than an 8 9 or 10, yes AA can be removed and it’s not something you have to just accept.
STOP - write down in a list beliefs you have about approaching women, both the Pain and Pleasure. Write down as many as you can think of for both sides for five minutes.
Now its time for the final part of this post, how to remove those limiting beliefs that are holding you back and how to empower the positive ones.
Take your three biggest limiting beliefs and now write down all the reasons you can think of why these beliefs are silly. Your mind might even try to stop you from doing this telling you it's silly e.t.c. Ignore this and plow on because right now you are going to make this change.
Once you have reasons why the three of your biggest limiting beliefs about approaching women are stupid. Look at the positive beliefs you have about why approaching women is a good thing to do. Write down the top three positive beliefs you have in your pleasure list and give reasons why each positive belief is a good thing.
For example: "more confidence will help get me that promotion", "more confidence will help improve my family life", "more confidence will allow me to choose the girlfriend I want" e.t.c.
When you have got your list, take some time and look over it. Read out loud both the pain and pleasure reasons and really visualize what it would be like to achieve each one in your head. Imagine the images making them big, bright and vivid.
Read through your reasons and beliefs, playing them over in your head several times this week.
Next week I shall be posting my final part to this post “what drives you?” detailing how to keep these changes part of your life and keeping on top of your belief system.
To be continued.....